According to relationship counselor John Gray, difficulties in relationships between a man and a woman lie in the lack of understanding and acceptance of the differences between the two sexes. Gray's famous book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" turned out to be a phenomenal best seller. Since its initial print in 1992, over 11 million copies were sold in the U.S. alone. In addition, it was translated into 40 different languages and has readers all over the world.
To many, Gray has achieved guru status in the fields of communication and relationships. To some others, however, Gray's Mars-Venus model stereotypes both men and women. In particular, he has been accused of having pushed women's role in marriage back 30 years.
To the author, the book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" portrays men or women in neither a good or nor a bad light, but in true light. It may make men or women sound like a good or bad deal to their partners, but according to the book, it is the only deal we get. Therefore, acknowledgment and acceptance is key.
Now, let's take a look at the differences between men (Marsians) and women (Venusians) as they are depicted in Dr. Gray's book.
• Men like to help women by fixing problems.
• Women like to help men by improving men.
• Men do not like women's attempt to improve them. They feel humiliated.
• Fixing problems for them is not what women want the most from men.
• When men are down, they want women's loving acceptance, not their criticism and unsolicited advice. Men want to be trusted and admired.
• When women are down, they like to talk about their problems. They want men to be sympathetic listeners, not necessarily offer solutions to their problems.
• Men are goal-oriented problems solvers.
• Women have a need to talk about their feelings. They need to be heard and understood. Instead of being busy figuring out how to solve their problems, men should show their acknowledgment vocally or through nodding and brief eye contact.
• Men talk to exchange information.
• Women talk to express feelings.
• Men need to be alone sometimes. Every now and then, especially when under stress, they need to retreat to their "cave" and do not want to be disturbed. Insisting on helping them before they are ready to emerge from the cave can feel like harassment.
• Women, under stress and in other times, like to seek out contact and make human connections.
• Naturally and cyclically, women's moods go though highs and lows.
• Men are often disconcerted by women's emotions.
• Women tend to use dramatic expressions such as "you ALWAYS forget" or "you NEVER listen to me". Men should not take those literally but sympathize with the sentiments they convey.
• Men and women, even when they speak the same words, may speak different languages.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Saturday, October 28, 2006
LETTING GO
[Source: forwarded emails]
Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments:
Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way.
They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's
inevitable.
Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.
In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.
You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find
your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking
about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop
doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.
In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.
For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.
As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.
But if you recognise the fact that you choose your feelings and you are
responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to
think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.
Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT.
It's difficult to do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish
historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume
set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed
the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it.
Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the
fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had
been destroyed.
Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill.
These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can
remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go,
my friend! Do not feel bad."
As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his
wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this
misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again."
Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great
classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript?
Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.
Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the farmer
who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the
situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the
heavy mule out of the deep well.
So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well.
After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two
problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled.
The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work
they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened.
Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up.
Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In
not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of
the well and through the crowd.
That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up.
Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other
person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's
difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.
Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And
forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook.He's still
responsible for his misbehaviour.
Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about
releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's about
letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future.
Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint
you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.
Action:
Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If
possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness.
Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it?
Do I sleep better?
Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"
If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision.
Actually decide to let it go.
Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it... life is not about going with the flow but allow yourself that flexiblity to do what you want...
Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments:
Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way.
They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's
inevitable.
Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.
In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.
You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find
your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking
about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop
doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.
In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.
For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.
As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.
But if you recognise the fact that you choose your feelings and you are
responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to
think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.
Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT.
It's difficult to do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish
historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume
set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed
the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it.
Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the
fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had
been destroyed.
Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill.
These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can
remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go,
my friend! Do not feel bad."
As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his
wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this
misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again."
Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great
classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript?
Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.
Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the farmer
who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the
situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the
heavy mule out of the deep well.
So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well.
After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two
problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled.
The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work
they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened.
Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up.
Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In
not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of
the well and through the crowd.
That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up.
Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other
person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's
difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.
Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And
forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook.He's still
responsible for his misbehaviour.
Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about
releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's about
letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future.
Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint
you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.
Action:
Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If
possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness.
Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it?
Do I sleep better?
Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"
If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision.
Actually decide to let it go.
Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it... life is not about going with the flow but allow yourself that flexiblity to do what you want...
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Khas Untuk Kaum Wanita
[Source: forwarded emails]
Assalamualaikum,
Sebagai peringatan untuk para wanita dipaparkan suatu peristiwa disuatu Eid, di mana seorang wakil telah dilantik dari kaum wanita untuk bertemu dengan Rasulullah SAW untuk meminta baginda SAW memberi ucapan khusus untuk kaum wanita.
Baginda bersetuju dan menyuruh mereka berkumpul di BaabunNisaa'. Setelah kaum wanita berkumpul, Bilal pergi memanggil RasulullahSAW. Baginda pun pergi ke sana, dan memberi salam dan memberi tazkirah seperti berikut:
"Assalamu'alaikum, wahai kumpulan/kaum wanita, aku lihat kamu ini lebih banyak di neraka". Seorang wanita lalu bangun bertanya, "Apakah yang menyebabkan yang demikian? Adakah sebab kami ini kufur?
Rasulullah SAW menjawab, "Tidak. Bukan begitu. Tetapi ada 2 tabiat kamu yang tidak elok yang boleh menjerumuskan kamu ke dalam neraka:
1. Kamu banyak mengutuk/menyumpah2. Kamu kufurkan kebaikan suami. "Kemudian baginda SAW mengingatkan supaya:
1. Banyak beristighfar
2. Banyak bersedekah.
Keterangan: Yang dimaksudkan dengan mengutuk/menyumpah ialah seperti contoh dibawah:
Contoh 1: Katakan kita lama menunggu bas. Tetapi bas masih tak kunjung tiba, akibat geram dan marah kita mungkin berkata, "Driver bas ni dah mampus agaknya. "Perkataan mampus itu termasuk dalam erti kata menyumpah. Lisan wanita memang terlalu cepat menyumpah. Kadang-kadang pakaian, perkakas rumah, hatta suami pun kena sumpah.
Contoh 2: Tengah memasak gas habis. Kita mungkin berkata "Celaka punya gas. Masa ni jugak nak habis."Yang dimaksudkan kufur di sini bukan kufur I'tiqad tetapi bererti tidak mengiktiraf. Kebaikan di sini bermaksud tanggungjawab yang telah ditunaikan oleh suami.
Berkaitan dengan hal ini, Rasulullah pernah ditanya oleh seorang suami yang kurang faham apa yang dimaksudkan dengan 'kufurkan kebaikan suami'. Rasulullah SAW berkata,"Tidakkah pernah engkau jumpa, seorang isteri, jika seumur hidup engkau, engkau berbuat baik kepadanya, tetapi disuatu ketika, disebabkan dia tidak mendapat sesuatu yang dia kehendaki, maka dia akan berkata, "Awak ini, saya tak nampak satu pun kebaikan awak" (Terjemahan langsung dari Arab). [Dalam masyarakat kita kata-kata di atas mungkin boleh dikaitkan dengan perkataan seperti berikut: "Selama hidup dengan awak, apa yang saya dapat?".][Tak guna sesen pun']
Rasulullah SAW sambung lagi, 'Mana-mana isteri yang berkata, "Awak ini, sayatak nampak satu pun kebaikan awak", maka akan gugur pahala-pahala amalannya.'Saranan Rasulullah SAW yang seterusnya ialah menyuruh kaum wanita banyak beristighfar dan bersedekah, kerana ia dapat menyelamatkan kita dari 2perkara yang boleh menjerumuskan kita ke dalam api neraka seperti yangdisebutkan tadi.
Fadhilat beristighfar:
a. Sabda Rasulullah SAW : "Siapa yang melazimkan amalan istighfar 70Xsehari, dia tidak akan ditulis sebagai orang yang lupa (nyanyuk)." Sebelum nyanyuk di hari tua, amalkan sejak muda-muda lagi. Rasulullah SAW menganjurkan kita beristighfar 70 atau 100 kali sehari. Baginda sendiri melakukannya lebih dari 100 X sehari. Adalah diingatkan untuk mencapai target ini, eloklah kita menjadualkan amalan zikir ini dalam amalan-amalan harian kita.
b. Sabda Rasulullah SAW : "Siapa yang melazimkan amalan istighfar, akan dikeluarkan Allah dari sifat ham dan hazan. Sifat ham bererti gelisah yang tidak menentu yang sering melanda kaum wanita. Sifat hazan bererti berdukacita"
c. Istighfar juga memurahkan rezeki. Jangan dianggap rezeki itu hanya dalam bentuk wang ringgit atau harta benda. Tetapi ia juga termasuk kesihatan,umur, kasih sayang dan anak-anak.
Sedekah:
Sedekah tidak semestinya dalam bentuk wang ringgit. Sedekah juga termasuk:
1. Tuturkata/percakapan yang baik. Yang paling utama ialah terhadapkeluarga sendiri. Ertinya tidak menyakitkan hati. Inilah rahsianya bagaimana hendak menambat hati suami.
Diriwayatkan, Saidatina Khadijah ra, isteri Rasulullah SAW yang pertama, tidak pernah menyinggung hati Rasulullah walau sedikit pun. Sepanjang hayat baginda SAW, hati baginda dipenuhi dengan Khadijah, sehingga sering menyebut nama beliau. Kadangkala hingga menimbulkan perasaan cemburu dikalangan isteri-isteri baginda.
Diriwayatkan juga, Jibril a.s setiap kaliselepas memberi wahyu kepada Rasulullah sebelum meminta diri,selalu mengirim salam kepada Khadijah. Suatu hari Rasulullah SAW telah bertanya beliau, dan jawab Jibril, "Khadijahlah satu-satunya perempuan yang Allah SWT berkenan tutur katanya".
2. Memberi salam.
3. Memaniskan wajah.
Juga terutamanya kepada ahli keluarga. Rasulullah SAW pernah bersabda,"Kamu senyum sahaja pun sudah menjadi sedekah."
Terdapat juga suatu syair Arab yang berbunyi:"Nak buat baik, sangatlah mudah, Maniskan wajah, lembutkan lidah." Maka setelah diberi peringatan oleh Rasulullah SAW marilah kita bertafakkur dan bermuhasabah diri-diri kita.
Sekiranya terdapat sifat-sifat buruk yang boleh menjerumuskan kita ke dalam api neraka itu, maka eloklah kita mengubah sikap kita dari sekarang.
"SAMPAIKANLAH WALAU SEPOTONG AYAT -Sabda Rasulullah SAW"
Assalamualaikum,
Sebagai peringatan untuk para wanita dipaparkan suatu peristiwa disuatu Eid, di mana seorang wakil telah dilantik dari kaum wanita untuk bertemu dengan Rasulullah SAW untuk meminta baginda SAW memberi ucapan khusus untuk kaum wanita.
Baginda bersetuju dan menyuruh mereka berkumpul di BaabunNisaa'. Setelah kaum wanita berkumpul, Bilal pergi memanggil RasulullahSAW. Baginda pun pergi ke sana, dan memberi salam dan memberi tazkirah seperti berikut:
"Assalamu'alaikum, wahai kumpulan/kaum wanita, aku lihat kamu ini lebih banyak di neraka". Seorang wanita lalu bangun bertanya, "Apakah yang menyebabkan yang demikian? Adakah sebab kami ini kufur?
Rasulullah SAW menjawab, "Tidak. Bukan begitu. Tetapi ada 2 tabiat kamu yang tidak elok yang boleh menjerumuskan kamu ke dalam neraka:
1. Kamu banyak mengutuk/menyumpah2. Kamu kufurkan kebaikan suami. "Kemudian baginda SAW mengingatkan supaya:
1. Banyak beristighfar
2. Banyak bersedekah.
Keterangan: Yang dimaksudkan dengan mengutuk/menyumpah ialah seperti contoh dibawah:
Contoh 1: Katakan kita lama menunggu bas. Tetapi bas masih tak kunjung tiba, akibat geram dan marah kita mungkin berkata, "Driver bas ni dah mampus agaknya. "Perkataan mampus itu termasuk dalam erti kata menyumpah. Lisan wanita memang terlalu cepat menyumpah. Kadang-kadang pakaian, perkakas rumah, hatta suami pun kena sumpah.
Contoh 2: Tengah memasak gas habis. Kita mungkin berkata "Celaka punya gas. Masa ni jugak nak habis."Yang dimaksudkan kufur di sini bukan kufur I'tiqad tetapi bererti tidak mengiktiraf. Kebaikan di sini bermaksud tanggungjawab yang telah ditunaikan oleh suami.
Berkaitan dengan hal ini, Rasulullah pernah ditanya oleh seorang suami yang kurang faham apa yang dimaksudkan dengan 'kufurkan kebaikan suami'. Rasulullah SAW berkata,"Tidakkah pernah engkau jumpa, seorang isteri, jika seumur hidup engkau, engkau berbuat baik kepadanya, tetapi disuatu ketika, disebabkan dia tidak mendapat sesuatu yang dia kehendaki, maka dia akan berkata, "Awak ini, saya tak nampak satu pun kebaikan awak" (Terjemahan langsung dari Arab). [Dalam masyarakat kita kata-kata di atas mungkin boleh dikaitkan dengan perkataan seperti berikut: "Selama hidup dengan awak, apa yang saya dapat?".][Tak guna sesen pun']
Rasulullah SAW sambung lagi, 'Mana-mana isteri yang berkata, "Awak ini, sayatak nampak satu pun kebaikan awak", maka akan gugur pahala-pahala amalannya.'Saranan Rasulullah SAW yang seterusnya ialah menyuruh kaum wanita banyak beristighfar dan bersedekah, kerana ia dapat menyelamatkan kita dari 2perkara yang boleh menjerumuskan kita ke dalam api neraka seperti yangdisebutkan tadi.
Fadhilat beristighfar:
a. Sabda Rasulullah SAW : "Siapa yang melazimkan amalan istighfar 70Xsehari, dia tidak akan ditulis sebagai orang yang lupa (nyanyuk)." Sebelum nyanyuk di hari tua, amalkan sejak muda-muda lagi. Rasulullah SAW menganjurkan kita beristighfar 70 atau 100 kali sehari. Baginda sendiri melakukannya lebih dari 100 X sehari. Adalah diingatkan untuk mencapai target ini, eloklah kita menjadualkan amalan zikir ini dalam amalan-amalan harian kita.
b. Sabda Rasulullah SAW : "Siapa yang melazimkan amalan istighfar, akan dikeluarkan Allah dari sifat ham dan hazan. Sifat ham bererti gelisah yang tidak menentu yang sering melanda kaum wanita. Sifat hazan bererti berdukacita"
c. Istighfar juga memurahkan rezeki. Jangan dianggap rezeki itu hanya dalam bentuk wang ringgit atau harta benda. Tetapi ia juga termasuk kesihatan,umur, kasih sayang dan anak-anak.
Sedekah:
Sedekah tidak semestinya dalam bentuk wang ringgit. Sedekah juga termasuk:
1. Tuturkata/percakapan yang baik. Yang paling utama ialah terhadapkeluarga sendiri. Ertinya tidak menyakitkan hati. Inilah rahsianya bagaimana hendak menambat hati suami.
Diriwayatkan, Saidatina Khadijah ra, isteri Rasulullah SAW yang pertama, tidak pernah menyinggung hati Rasulullah walau sedikit pun. Sepanjang hayat baginda SAW, hati baginda dipenuhi dengan Khadijah, sehingga sering menyebut nama beliau. Kadangkala hingga menimbulkan perasaan cemburu dikalangan isteri-isteri baginda.
Diriwayatkan juga, Jibril a.s setiap kaliselepas memberi wahyu kepada Rasulullah sebelum meminta diri,selalu mengirim salam kepada Khadijah. Suatu hari Rasulullah SAW telah bertanya beliau, dan jawab Jibril, "Khadijahlah satu-satunya perempuan yang Allah SWT berkenan tutur katanya".
2. Memberi salam.
3. Memaniskan wajah.
Juga terutamanya kepada ahli keluarga. Rasulullah SAW pernah bersabda,"Kamu senyum sahaja pun sudah menjadi sedekah."
Terdapat juga suatu syair Arab yang berbunyi:"Nak buat baik, sangatlah mudah, Maniskan wajah, lembutkan lidah." Maka setelah diberi peringatan oleh Rasulullah SAW marilah kita bertafakkur dan bermuhasabah diri-diri kita.
Sekiranya terdapat sifat-sifat buruk yang boleh menjerumuskan kita ke dalam api neraka itu, maka eloklah kita mengubah sikap kita dari sekarang.
"SAMPAIKANLAH WALAU SEPOTONG AYAT -Sabda Rasulullah SAW"
Friday, October 21, 2005
Hear What Oprah Had To Say....
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
About baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
Consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
About baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship
Consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Secrets of Love
The first secret: the power of love.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help recognize him or her when you meet.
The second secret: the power of respect.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself? " To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, "What do I respect about them?"
The third secret: the power of giving.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of you can take.
The fourth secret: the power of friendship.
To find true love you must first find a true friend. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
The fifth secret: the power of touch.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
The sixth secret: the power of letting go.
If you love something, let it be free. Even in a loving relationship, people need their space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions.
The seventh secret: the power of communication.
To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know, that you love and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say, "I love you." Never let an opportunity pass to praise and acknowledge someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word ... it could be the last time you see them.
The eighth secret: the power of commitment.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong, loving one.
The ninth secret: the power of passion.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone. It comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. The essence of love and happiness are the same, all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
The tenth secret: the power of trust.
You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Trust yourself, trust others and trust the world. It is the foundation for LOVE.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help recognize him or her when you meet.
The second secret: the power of respect.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself? " To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, "What do I respect about them?"
The third secret: the power of giving.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of you can take.
The fourth secret: the power of friendship.
To find true love you must first find a true friend. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
The fifth secret: the power of touch.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
The sixth secret: the power of letting go.
If you love something, let it be free. Even in a loving relationship, people need their space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions.
The seventh secret: the power of communication.
To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know, that you love and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say, "I love you." Never let an opportunity pass to praise and acknowledge someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word ... it could be the last time you see them.
The eighth secret: the power of commitment.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong, loving one.
The ninth secret: the power of passion.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone. It comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. The essence of love and happiness are the same, all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
The tenth secret: the power of trust.
You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Trust yourself, trust others and trust the world. It is the foundation for LOVE.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Didiklah kita & anak2 kita sebelum terlambat
[source: forwarded emails]
Assalammualaikum w.b.t
Saya merasa bertanggungjawab sebagai sesama Muslim untuk menyampaikan sedikit sebanyak ilmu yg saya dapati semalam daripada seorang cendekiawan Islam melalui usrah semoga kita sama2 mendapat barakah & pengajaran darinya. Beliau yg saya maksudkan adalah Prof. Sidek Baba yg merupakan seorang pensyarah di UIA dan kepada sesiapa yg selalu mendengar radio IKIM, ceramah beliau selalu berkumandang lebih kurang pada pukul 7.00pagi setiap hari.
W/pun beliau hanya merupakan seorang proffesor dan bukannya ustaz namun beliau adalah pengkaji Al-Quran, tafsir dan sejarah Islam. Amat luas ilmu beliau dan saya harap sedikit sebanyak dpt kita kongsikan bersama sebagai peringatan buat diri saya terutamanya dan buat sekalian teman amnya.
Tajuk yg disampaikan semalam adalah berkaitan pendidikan anak2 masakini yg sudah terlampau jauh meninggalkan cara2 pendekatan sunnah & Al-Quran dan bagaimana dapat kita kembali kepada zaman kegemilangan Islam tersebut. Insyaallah bulan hadapan kiranya berkesempatan beliau akan melanjutkan ke bab bagaimana kita dpt mendidik anak2 sepertimana Luqmanul Hakim mendidik anaknya.
Beliau membawa kita utk berfikir sejenak mengapa umat Islam dahulu excellent baik dlm bidang ugama(fardhu ain) mahupun akademik(fardhu kifayah) spt Ibnu Sina yg merupakan pakar perubatan Islam, Al-Khawarizmi (Pakar dlm bidang matematik) dan lain2 lagi di mana yg mungkin kita tidak didedahkan melalui Sejarah yg kita pelajari di sekolah, umat Islam telah lama mencipta Kapal terbang, robot, barangan elektrik iaitu pada abad ke 10 Hijrah sedangkan orang2 Barat hanya menjumpainya pada abad ke 19 itupun setelah mereka menakluki Kota Baghdad buat kali pertama yg mana merupakan Kota Ilmu bagi para cendekiawan Islam. Pada masa itu org2 kafir telah mencuri & membawa segala khazanah ilmu, kitab2 ke negara mereka & sebahagiannya dibakar atau dibuang ke dlm sungai (Maaf saya tidak ingat nama sg tersebut) hingga hitam air sungai sg tersebut dek disebabkan terlalu byk kitab2 yg ditulis dibuang kedalamnya. Dari situ org kafir ini telah mengkaji ilmu2 yg dicedok dari buku2 karangan cendekiawan Islam dan mempraktikkannya hinggalah bila kita ke sekolah kita lebih mengenali & mengagumi Oliver & Wright sebagai pembuat kapal terbang pertama, Einstein, Graham Bell, Pluto dsb. Kita sekarang hanya seperti kerbau yg dicucuk hidung dan mengikut sahaja apa yg disogokkan oleh org2 kafir yang selama ini byk
membuat kajian psikologi ttg bagaimana Al-Quran & Sunnah menjadi punca kepintaran cendekiawan Islam & cuba melumpuhkannya.
Kita lihat pada hari ini di Malaysia, org Melayu yg rata2nya Islam adalah juara dadah, rogol, ragut, AIDS, bunuh-membunuh, sumbang mahram, permainan video game dan sekarang ini dlm bidang seni yg melalaikan pula spt Akademi Fantasia, Malaysian Idol, Konsert2 spt di Sure Heboh, peraduan SMS dsb. Kita intai pula peratusan anak2 Melayu kita di bidang akademik. Sungguh rendah peratusannya berbanding kaum Cina.
Kenapa bangsa Melayu Islam kita yg dikurniakan Allah SWT Al-Quran (yg punya ilmu & kisah2 masa lampau, kini & masa hadapan sbg pengajaran) serta Sunnah Rasulullah yg mencakupi akhlak dan peradaban yg paling mulia tidak dpt menandingi bangsa2 asing yg tdk punya semua itu?
Jawapannya, kita tdk pernah mengabil iktibar dan pengajaran dari Al-Quran & Sunnah Rasul kita sendiri yg merupakan agama syumul, agama ilmu. Kita take for granted dgn apa yg kita punyai. Jika tidak renung sejenak ttg kemewahan yg Allah kurniakan kpd negara2 Islam spt Brunei, Malaysia, Indonesia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait serta Arab Saudi.. Allah telah melimpahkan kurnianya yg paling besar iaitu minyak. Untuk apa? Agar kita gunakan utk membangunkan cendekiawan Islam dan melahirkan lebih ramai Ibnu2
Sina, Imam Syafie2, Al-Khawarizmi2, Ibnu Batuta2 yg merupakan pentadbir2 negara yg benar2 berpegang teguh kpd Allah. Tapi kita lalai..Yg wujud adalah permusuhan, corruption dan pembaziran yg melampaui batas. Tak hairanlah mengapa dgn mudah Afghanistan & Iraq ditakluki kerana minyaknya. Dan di saat kita menghabiskan wang dgn peraduan sms, membeli-belah, menangis bila calon Akademi Fantasia terkeluar,
melonjak2 gembira melihat Malaysian Idol mahupun konsert kita tdk sedar yg semua myk di Afghanistan & Iraq tlh disedut kuasa barat utk kegunaan mrk di masa hadapan. Kerana apa? Kerana minyak ini akan habis lama-kelamaannya. Di masa itulah semua umat Islam akan berada dibwh pengaruh org2 kafir secara total. Tidak mustahil kita juga bakal menjadi spt Iraq dan pada saat itulah kita akan menangisi & bertanya2 kpd diri
apakah salah kita.. Ketika itu nasi tlh menjadi bubur kerana anak2 yg sepatutnya kita didik dgn cara yg terbaik menggunakan rezeki yg dikurniakan Allah pada hari ini mungkin bakal menjadi mangsa rogol atau kebuluran atau derma/zakat yg patut kita hulurkan bagi membantu anak2 pintar Islam di Malaysia atau antarabangsa bagi membangunkan Islam telah kita bazirkan kepada perkara yg sia2. Allah tlh berfirman
didalam Al-Quran bahawa 'segala kebinasaan di muka bumi ini adalah disebabkan oleh tgn2 manusia itu sendiri' dan 'Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum itu melainkan mereka sendiri berusaha utk mengubahnya'.
Sekarang kita kembali kepada apakah perubahan yg wajar kita lakukan bagi melahirkan cendekiawan Islam setaraf zaman kegemilangan Islam dan apakah kesilapan sistem pendidikan kita. Menurut hadis saat yg paling kritikal dlm mendidik anak2 adalah dari saat dlm kandungan hingga ke akil baligh kerana disaat inilah akidah mereka perlu diteguhkan hinggakan apa sahaja anasir luaran tak mampu menembusinya. Malangnya Barat tlh memperkenalkan sistem pendidikan terpisah antara Fardhu Ain (bidang ugama) dan Fardu Kifayah(bidang profesional).Dan itulah yg kita amalkan hingga ke hari ini sedangkan Al-Quran dan Sunnah itulah punca segala ilmu hinggakan kepada ilmu sains dsb. Kerana itulah para cendekiawan Islam kita walaupun bernama Islam namun tidak bersyukur kepada Allah jika diberi pangkat, tidak amanah dalam kerja hingga peratusan riba & rasuah melonjak2, sanggup membunuh kerana cemburu, dan banyak lagi perkara2 sumbang yg kita boleh lihat terpampang didada akhbar.
Berdasarkan kajian mendalam sebenarnya excellentnya para cendekiawan Islam pada masa dahulu adalah kerana sejak mereka dilahirkan mereka pertamanya didedahkan kpd penghafazan Al-Quran dan ilmu fardhu ain yg lain termasuklah solat, mereka rata2nya tamat menghafaz Al-Quran ketika berumur 7 tahun. Kemudiannya, mereka didedahkan kepada ilmu tafsir Al-Quran dan peradaban serta akhlak daripada hadis2 serta sunnah Rasulullah S.A.W. Mereka diajar sifat mentauhidkan Allah yg satu dgn berasa takut utk melakukan apa shj kemungkaran kerana yakin pada Allah yg Maha Melihat, Malaikat
Rakib & Atid yg menulis buku catatan, syurga dan neraka, hari akhirat dan pembalasannya, tawadduk, syukur, memahami amanah sebagai khalifah Allah, qanaah(rasa berpada dgn apa yg ada) dan bekerja keras dlm setiap bidang kerana semuanya adalah ibadah. Dibandingkan dgn anak2 kita hari ini, mereka diajarkan kemewahan, pakaian yg serba berjenama, tdk bersyukur dgn apa yg ada, suka memprotes jika tidak dituruti
kemahuannya, tidak memahami bahawa dgn membantu ibu/bapa dirumah, belajar serta menghormati org tua adalah ibadah, suka menunjuk2 apa yang dipunyai kpd kawan2, tidak takut utk mencuri, menganiaya, berbohong hatta membunuh sesama mereka. Yg mana inilah yg akan berakar umbi hingga mereka dewasa kelak. Berbalik kepada para cendekiawan tadi, hanya selepas itu barulah mereka didedahkan kpd bidang profesional yg merupakan ilmu kifayah. Dgn Tauhid yg ditanamkan itulah mereka bersungguh2 menkaji, mencari ilmu hingga menjadi pakar dlm bidang tertentu kerana yakin ianya
adalah amanah yg dipertanggungjawabkan kpd mereka. Berbalik kepada kita termasuklah diri saya sendiri, kita hanya pakar dlm bidang profesional tapi dlm bidang fardhu ain kita lemah kerana itulah kesilapan pendidikan kita. Kita hanya diajar membaca Al-Quran tapi berapa ramaikah yg mempraktikkannya & mendalaminya hingga ke bidang tafsir serta bahasa Al-Quran demi memahami Al-Quran? Kita menganggap itu sebagai ilmu sampingan dan rata2nya cuma org tua shj yg pergi ke kelas2 membaca kitab dan sebagainya. Sedangkan itulah ilmu Fardhu Ain yg wajib ke atas setiap umat Islam bukannya menunngu saat tua utk menambah ibadah disaat akhir shj...Di saat masih
bertenaga inilah kita perlu mengkaji dan mempergunakannya sebaik mungkin.Kerana itu intelek Muslim hari ini kurang menonjol kerana mereka tdk menganggap kerja sebagai ibadah dan melakukannya spt melepaskan batuk ditangga sahaja. Mereka tidak menganggap bahawa bidang kajian adalah amanah & kerana itu semuanya dipelopori oleh org2 Cina, Jepun & Barat.
Kita masih belum terlambat utk mengorak langkah kerana anak2 kita masih kecil lagi. Saya mengajak diri saya khususnya, marilah kita dgn penuh keinsafan kembali kepada bidang pendidikan Islam yg sebenar2nya agar generasi kita bakal menjadi pakar2 komputer yg mampu menghasilkan website2 Islamik bukannya porno, pakar2 saintis yg mampu mencipta segala teknologi berunsurkan Islam, pakar dlm bidang media & elektronik yg mampu menghasilkan rancangan2 yg mendidik rohani bukannya hiburan yg melalaikan dll. Sesuatu yg perlu kita benar2 sedar adalah di zaman Khalifah dahulu mereka digeruni kerana dizaman itu siapa yg kuat dialah yg maju kerana itu peperangan digunakan utk menguasai dunia tapi di zaman teknologi ini siapa yg lebih
berilmu dialah yg dipandang tinggi dan dihormati. Tetapi pokok pangkalnya ilmu yg bagaimana? Sebagai seorang Muslim tentulah spt diperintahkan oleh Allah iaitu berdasarkan Al-Quran & Sunnah. Kita tidak boleh lagi memisahkan antara bidang ugama & profesional demi melahirkan intelek2 Muslim yg sejati.
Anak2 kita termasuk kita suatu waktu dahulu mencari2 idolanya yg didlm bahasa inggerisnya idol bermasud patung atau sst yg dipuja atau dicontohi. Jadikanlah
diri kita yg paling hampir dgn mereka sbg idola mereka dgn memperbaiki segala kekurangan diri di kedua2 bidang tersebut kerana jk tdk ransangan sekeliling spt
org yg rapat dgn mereka terutama maid, watak2 dari TV serta CD atau video game akan mengambil tempat tersebut. Mereka yg kecil tdk tahu bila masanya hiburan di TV bersiaran jika tdk kita yg meminatinya membukanya. Pada masa kita masih mampu membendung kecintaan mereka kpd anasir2 hiburan yg bakal merosakkan umat Islam disamping cuba utk memenuhi kerohanian mereka dgn menghantar mereka ke pusat2
tahfiz dsb dan satu perkara yg kita perlu & sentiasa ingat adalah jadikanlah kita sebagai sumber ilmu dan sekolah sebagai pusat kedua. Jika kita jahil belajarlah kerana kita juga memegang amanah sbg khalifah yg bakal disoal oleh Allah.Lakukanlah kerana bila mereka tlh sampai umur baligh, ianya sudah terlambat.....
Maaf kerana mengambil terlalu byk masa kalian utk membaca pedoman ini. Mohon maaf jika ada yg tersinggung dgn paparan tauladan ini dan di akhir kalam marilah kita sama2 berdoa agar sbg ibu/bapa kita mampu melakukannya..Wassalam
Assalammualaikum w.b.t
Saya merasa bertanggungjawab sebagai sesama Muslim untuk menyampaikan sedikit sebanyak ilmu yg saya dapati semalam daripada seorang cendekiawan Islam melalui usrah semoga kita sama2 mendapat barakah & pengajaran darinya. Beliau yg saya maksudkan adalah Prof. Sidek Baba yg merupakan seorang pensyarah di UIA dan kepada sesiapa yg selalu mendengar radio IKIM, ceramah beliau selalu berkumandang lebih kurang pada pukul 7.00pagi setiap hari.
W/pun beliau hanya merupakan seorang proffesor dan bukannya ustaz namun beliau adalah pengkaji Al-Quran, tafsir dan sejarah Islam. Amat luas ilmu beliau dan saya harap sedikit sebanyak dpt kita kongsikan bersama sebagai peringatan buat diri saya terutamanya dan buat sekalian teman amnya.
Tajuk yg disampaikan semalam adalah berkaitan pendidikan anak2 masakini yg sudah terlampau jauh meninggalkan cara2 pendekatan sunnah & Al-Quran dan bagaimana dapat kita kembali kepada zaman kegemilangan Islam tersebut. Insyaallah bulan hadapan kiranya berkesempatan beliau akan melanjutkan ke bab bagaimana kita dpt mendidik anak2 sepertimana Luqmanul Hakim mendidik anaknya.
Beliau membawa kita utk berfikir sejenak mengapa umat Islam dahulu excellent baik dlm bidang ugama(fardhu ain) mahupun akademik(fardhu kifayah) spt Ibnu Sina yg merupakan pakar perubatan Islam, Al-Khawarizmi (Pakar dlm bidang matematik) dan lain2 lagi di mana yg mungkin kita tidak didedahkan melalui Sejarah yg kita pelajari di sekolah, umat Islam telah lama mencipta Kapal terbang, robot, barangan elektrik iaitu pada abad ke 10 Hijrah sedangkan orang2 Barat hanya menjumpainya pada abad ke 19 itupun setelah mereka menakluki Kota Baghdad buat kali pertama yg mana merupakan Kota Ilmu bagi para cendekiawan Islam. Pada masa itu org2 kafir telah mencuri & membawa segala khazanah ilmu, kitab2 ke negara mereka & sebahagiannya dibakar atau dibuang ke dlm sungai (Maaf saya tidak ingat nama sg tersebut) hingga hitam air sungai sg tersebut dek disebabkan terlalu byk kitab2 yg ditulis dibuang kedalamnya. Dari situ org kafir ini telah mengkaji ilmu2 yg dicedok dari buku2 karangan cendekiawan Islam dan mempraktikkannya hinggalah bila kita ke sekolah kita lebih mengenali & mengagumi Oliver & Wright sebagai pembuat kapal terbang pertama, Einstein, Graham Bell, Pluto dsb. Kita sekarang hanya seperti kerbau yg dicucuk hidung dan mengikut sahaja apa yg disogokkan oleh org2 kafir yang selama ini byk
membuat kajian psikologi ttg bagaimana Al-Quran & Sunnah menjadi punca kepintaran cendekiawan Islam & cuba melumpuhkannya.
Kita lihat pada hari ini di Malaysia, org Melayu yg rata2nya Islam adalah juara dadah, rogol, ragut, AIDS, bunuh-membunuh, sumbang mahram, permainan video game dan sekarang ini dlm bidang seni yg melalaikan pula spt Akademi Fantasia, Malaysian Idol, Konsert2 spt di Sure Heboh, peraduan SMS dsb. Kita intai pula peratusan anak2 Melayu kita di bidang akademik. Sungguh rendah peratusannya berbanding kaum Cina.
Kenapa bangsa Melayu Islam kita yg dikurniakan Allah SWT Al-Quran (yg punya ilmu & kisah2 masa lampau, kini & masa hadapan sbg pengajaran) serta Sunnah Rasulullah yg mencakupi akhlak dan peradaban yg paling mulia tidak dpt menandingi bangsa2 asing yg tdk punya semua itu?
Jawapannya, kita tdk pernah mengabil iktibar dan pengajaran dari Al-Quran & Sunnah Rasul kita sendiri yg merupakan agama syumul, agama ilmu. Kita take for granted dgn apa yg kita punyai. Jika tidak renung sejenak ttg kemewahan yg Allah kurniakan kpd negara2 Islam spt Brunei, Malaysia, Indonesia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait serta Arab Saudi.. Allah telah melimpahkan kurnianya yg paling besar iaitu minyak. Untuk apa? Agar kita gunakan utk membangunkan cendekiawan Islam dan melahirkan lebih ramai Ibnu2
Sina, Imam Syafie2, Al-Khawarizmi2, Ibnu Batuta2 yg merupakan pentadbir2 negara yg benar2 berpegang teguh kpd Allah. Tapi kita lalai..Yg wujud adalah permusuhan, corruption dan pembaziran yg melampaui batas. Tak hairanlah mengapa dgn mudah Afghanistan & Iraq ditakluki kerana minyaknya. Dan di saat kita menghabiskan wang dgn peraduan sms, membeli-belah, menangis bila calon Akademi Fantasia terkeluar,
melonjak2 gembira melihat Malaysian Idol mahupun konsert kita tdk sedar yg semua myk di Afghanistan & Iraq tlh disedut kuasa barat utk kegunaan mrk di masa hadapan. Kerana apa? Kerana minyak ini akan habis lama-kelamaannya. Di masa itulah semua umat Islam akan berada dibwh pengaruh org2 kafir secara total. Tidak mustahil kita juga bakal menjadi spt Iraq dan pada saat itulah kita akan menangisi & bertanya2 kpd diri
apakah salah kita.. Ketika itu nasi tlh menjadi bubur kerana anak2 yg sepatutnya kita didik dgn cara yg terbaik menggunakan rezeki yg dikurniakan Allah pada hari ini mungkin bakal menjadi mangsa rogol atau kebuluran atau derma/zakat yg patut kita hulurkan bagi membantu anak2 pintar Islam di Malaysia atau antarabangsa bagi membangunkan Islam telah kita bazirkan kepada perkara yg sia2. Allah tlh berfirman
didalam Al-Quran bahawa 'segala kebinasaan di muka bumi ini adalah disebabkan oleh tgn2 manusia itu sendiri' dan 'Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum itu melainkan mereka sendiri berusaha utk mengubahnya'.
Sekarang kita kembali kepada apakah perubahan yg wajar kita lakukan bagi melahirkan cendekiawan Islam setaraf zaman kegemilangan Islam dan apakah kesilapan sistem pendidikan kita. Menurut hadis saat yg paling kritikal dlm mendidik anak2 adalah dari saat dlm kandungan hingga ke akil baligh kerana disaat inilah akidah mereka perlu diteguhkan hinggakan apa sahaja anasir luaran tak mampu menembusinya. Malangnya Barat tlh memperkenalkan sistem pendidikan terpisah antara Fardhu Ain (bidang ugama) dan Fardu Kifayah(bidang profesional).Dan itulah yg kita amalkan hingga ke hari ini sedangkan Al-Quran dan Sunnah itulah punca segala ilmu hinggakan kepada ilmu sains dsb. Kerana itulah para cendekiawan Islam kita walaupun bernama Islam namun tidak bersyukur kepada Allah jika diberi pangkat, tidak amanah dalam kerja hingga peratusan riba & rasuah melonjak2, sanggup membunuh kerana cemburu, dan banyak lagi perkara2 sumbang yg kita boleh lihat terpampang didada akhbar.
Berdasarkan kajian mendalam sebenarnya excellentnya para cendekiawan Islam pada masa dahulu adalah kerana sejak mereka dilahirkan mereka pertamanya didedahkan kpd penghafazan Al-Quran dan ilmu fardhu ain yg lain termasuklah solat, mereka rata2nya tamat menghafaz Al-Quran ketika berumur 7 tahun. Kemudiannya, mereka didedahkan kepada ilmu tafsir Al-Quran dan peradaban serta akhlak daripada hadis2 serta sunnah Rasulullah S.A.W. Mereka diajar sifat mentauhidkan Allah yg satu dgn berasa takut utk melakukan apa shj kemungkaran kerana yakin pada Allah yg Maha Melihat, Malaikat
Rakib & Atid yg menulis buku catatan, syurga dan neraka, hari akhirat dan pembalasannya, tawadduk, syukur, memahami amanah sebagai khalifah Allah, qanaah(rasa berpada dgn apa yg ada) dan bekerja keras dlm setiap bidang kerana semuanya adalah ibadah. Dibandingkan dgn anak2 kita hari ini, mereka diajarkan kemewahan, pakaian yg serba berjenama, tdk bersyukur dgn apa yg ada, suka memprotes jika tidak dituruti
kemahuannya, tidak memahami bahawa dgn membantu ibu/bapa dirumah, belajar serta menghormati org tua adalah ibadah, suka menunjuk2 apa yang dipunyai kpd kawan2, tidak takut utk mencuri, menganiaya, berbohong hatta membunuh sesama mereka. Yg mana inilah yg akan berakar umbi hingga mereka dewasa kelak. Berbalik kepada para cendekiawan tadi, hanya selepas itu barulah mereka didedahkan kpd bidang profesional yg merupakan ilmu kifayah. Dgn Tauhid yg ditanamkan itulah mereka bersungguh2 menkaji, mencari ilmu hingga menjadi pakar dlm bidang tertentu kerana yakin ianya
adalah amanah yg dipertanggungjawabkan kpd mereka. Berbalik kepada kita termasuklah diri saya sendiri, kita hanya pakar dlm bidang profesional tapi dlm bidang fardhu ain kita lemah kerana itulah kesilapan pendidikan kita. Kita hanya diajar membaca Al-Quran tapi berapa ramaikah yg mempraktikkannya & mendalaminya hingga ke bidang tafsir serta bahasa Al-Quran demi memahami Al-Quran? Kita menganggap itu sebagai ilmu sampingan dan rata2nya cuma org tua shj yg pergi ke kelas2 membaca kitab dan sebagainya. Sedangkan itulah ilmu Fardhu Ain yg wajib ke atas setiap umat Islam bukannya menunngu saat tua utk menambah ibadah disaat akhir shj...Di saat masih
bertenaga inilah kita perlu mengkaji dan mempergunakannya sebaik mungkin.Kerana itu intelek Muslim hari ini kurang menonjol kerana mereka tdk menganggap kerja sebagai ibadah dan melakukannya spt melepaskan batuk ditangga sahaja. Mereka tidak menganggap bahawa bidang kajian adalah amanah & kerana itu semuanya dipelopori oleh org2 Cina, Jepun & Barat.
Kita masih belum terlambat utk mengorak langkah kerana anak2 kita masih kecil lagi. Saya mengajak diri saya khususnya, marilah kita dgn penuh keinsafan kembali kepada bidang pendidikan Islam yg sebenar2nya agar generasi kita bakal menjadi pakar2 komputer yg mampu menghasilkan website2 Islamik bukannya porno, pakar2 saintis yg mampu mencipta segala teknologi berunsurkan Islam, pakar dlm bidang media & elektronik yg mampu menghasilkan rancangan2 yg mendidik rohani bukannya hiburan yg melalaikan dll. Sesuatu yg perlu kita benar2 sedar adalah di zaman Khalifah dahulu mereka digeruni kerana dizaman itu siapa yg kuat dialah yg maju kerana itu peperangan digunakan utk menguasai dunia tapi di zaman teknologi ini siapa yg lebih
berilmu dialah yg dipandang tinggi dan dihormati. Tetapi pokok pangkalnya ilmu yg bagaimana? Sebagai seorang Muslim tentulah spt diperintahkan oleh Allah iaitu berdasarkan Al-Quran & Sunnah. Kita tidak boleh lagi memisahkan antara bidang ugama & profesional demi melahirkan intelek2 Muslim yg sejati.
Anak2 kita termasuk kita suatu waktu dahulu mencari2 idolanya yg didlm bahasa inggerisnya idol bermasud patung atau sst yg dipuja atau dicontohi. Jadikanlah
diri kita yg paling hampir dgn mereka sbg idola mereka dgn memperbaiki segala kekurangan diri di kedua2 bidang tersebut kerana jk tdk ransangan sekeliling spt
org yg rapat dgn mereka terutama maid, watak2 dari TV serta CD atau video game akan mengambil tempat tersebut. Mereka yg kecil tdk tahu bila masanya hiburan di TV bersiaran jika tdk kita yg meminatinya membukanya. Pada masa kita masih mampu membendung kecintaan mereka kpd anasir2 hiburan yg bakal merosakkan umat Islam disamping cuba utk memenuhi kerohanian mereka dgn menghantar mereka ke pusat2
tahfiz dsb dan satu perkara yg kita perlu & sentiasa ingat adalah jadikanlah kita sebagai sumber ilmu dan sekolah sebagai pusat kedua. Jika kita jahil belajarlah kerana kita juga memegang amanah sbg khalifah yg bakal disoal oleh Allah.Lakukanlah kerana bila mereka tlh sampai umur baligh, ianya sudah terlambat.....
Maaf kerana mengambil terlalu byk masa kalian utk membaca pedoman ini. Mohon maaf jika ada yg tersinggung dgn paparan tauladan ini dan di akhir kalam marilah kita sama2 berdoa agar sbg ibu/bapa kita mampu melakukannya..Wassalam
Sunday, April 24, 2005
The positive parent : Understanding your child
One of the biggest challenges we face as parents is being able to understand our children. Not only do we have to learn to pick up their cues and empathies with their feelings, we should also encourage our children to express their own thoughts and feelings.
Babies are generally very expressive individuals. They show their feelings very openly in their faces, and cry or laugh easily to various stimuli. As they grow older, the impulse to express themselves gradually comes under control, and they become less inclined to wearing their
hearts on their sleeves. Later, as adults, they learn to hide their feelings or ignore them because childhood experiences have taught them that showing their feelings might bring hurt. A person who thus suppresses his feelings may suffer from psychological imbalances, and become either withdrawn or violent.
Babies who are understood tend to cry less, have better health, and a greater joy to be with. They have a greater deep emotions, can recognize and analyze their own feelings, are empathetic to others and more mature emotionally. Such babies and children will grow up to be happier, healthier and emotionally well-rounded individuals.
When the expression of a child's feeling is suppressed, a distance forms between the child and her parents. Over time, she may become disconnected from her parents, and the familial bond is broken. It is therefore important for you to connect with your child. Understanding her is important for your child's mental and emotional health- as well as your family's overall well-being.
Here some ways to connect with you babies and children, and maintain the ties of love between you both :-
1. Given what she asks - does not mean she can get any expensive toys. It means responding to her needs when she asks for attention, and it begins from her very first day of life. Responding sensitively to your child's need will affirm her expressions. This will encourage her to become expressive. Research shown that breastfeed mother respond quickly to her babies and children as their bonding is very strong.
2. Know her body language - Using body language is a good way to understand your babies as they have their own language to communicate to you - eye to eye contact, hand gesture, facial expression, etc. By paying particular to her bodily cues when her verbal skills are not strong enough yet, it becomes easier for you as a parent to understand your child, even later in life.
3. Acknowledge her feelings - Little things matter a lot to your children, and your attention and empathy are especially important, even if your child is only bored or lonely. Try to identify her feelings and asses herself the right reaction by saying : You haven't been very happy today, have you? Tell mummy what is wrong instead of saying 'Don't cry'
4. Feel her pain - Being sympathetic and sensitive to your child's pain will teach her to do the same thing to others. It also teaches her that however insignificant it seems, the expression of her emotions is important to you.
5. Learn to listen - Listen carefully before you make judgment and try to understand her view before offering any solution. 2 way communication is the best instead of being authoritative. It was shown that if only your child who is going to listen to you, they will become more undisciplined in future. They won't respect you but may be scared at you, which is not right.
6. Match your expectations to her maturity - Do not expect your child to act like adults
7. Trust your child - Give your child the benefit of doubt when assessing her behavior. Trusting your child means believing in her enough to think the best of her in all solutions.
8. Do not expect her to meet your needs
9. Words do hurt - Be aware of how deeply blame and criticism can affect your child. Emotionally abuse equally hurt as physically abuse.
10. Express your feelings - Show to her your love her. Your expression will encourage her to open up and tell you how she feels
Last but not least - the tips can also be apply to your family other than your babies and children - your wife, husband, mother and father, siblings.
The most important things how we treat other people is how we will get in return.
Babies are generally very expressive individuals. They show their feelings very openly in their faces, and cry or laugh easily to various stimuli. As they grow older, the impulse to express themselves gradually comes under control, and they become less inclined to wearing their
hearts on their sleeves. Later, as adults, they learn to hide their feelings or ignore them because childhood experiences have taught them that showing their feelings might bring hurt. A person who thus suppresses his feelings may suffer from psychological imbalances, and become either withdrawn or violent.
Babies who are understood tend to cry less, have better health, and a greater joy to be with. They have a greater deep emotions, can recognize and analyze their own feelings, are empathetic to others and more mature emotionally. Such babies and children will grow up to be happier, healthier and emotionally well-rounded individuals.
When the expression of a child's feeling is suppressed, a distance forms between the child and her parents. Over time, she may become disconnected from her parents, and the familial bond is broken. It is therefore important for you to connect with your child. Understanding her is important for your child's mental and emotional health- as well as your family's overall well-being.
Here some ways to connect with you babies and children, and maintain the ties of love between you both :-
1. Given what she asks - does not mean she can get any expensive toys. It means responding to her needs when she asks for attention, and it begins from her very first day of life. Responding sensitively to your child's need will affirm her expressions. This will encourage her to become expressive. Research shown that breastfeed mother respond quickly to her babies and children as their bonding is very strong.
2. Know her body language - Using body language is a good way to understand your babies as they have their own language to communicate to you - eye to eye contact, hand gesture, facial expression, etc. By paying particular to her bodily cues when her verbal skills are not strong enough yet, it becomes easier for you as a parent to understand your child, even later in life.
3. Acknowledge her feelings - Little things matter a lot to your children, and your attention and empathy are especially important, even if your child is only bored or lonely. Try to identify her feelings and asses herself the right reaction by saying : You haven't been very happy today, have you? Tell mummy what is wrong instead of saying 'Don't cry'
4. Feel her pain - Being sympathetic and sensitive to your child's pain will teach her to do the same thing to others. It also teaches her that however insignificant it seems, the expression of her emotions is important to you.
5. Learn to listen - Listen carefully before you make judgment and try to understand her view before offering any solution. 2 way communication is the best instead of being authoritative. It was shown that if only your child who is going to listen to you, they will become more undisciplined in future. They won't respect you but may be scared at you, which is not right.
6. Match your expectations to her maturity - Do not expect your child to act like adults
7. Trust your child - Give your child the benefit of doubt when assessing her behavior. Trusting your child means believing in her enough to think the best of her in all solutions.
8. Do not expect her to meet your needs
9. Words do hurt - Be aware of how deeply blame and criticism can affect your child. Emotionally abuse equally hurt as physically abuse.
10. Express your feelings - Show to her your love her. Your expression will encourage her to open up and tell you how she feels
Last but not least - the tips can also be apply to your family other than your babies and children - your wife, husband, mother and father, siblings.
The most important things how we treat other people is how we will get in return.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
10 Perkara Dalam Perkahwinan
[Source: forwarded emails]
10 perkara memeranjatkan di dalam suatu perkahwinan:
Bila wujud perkahwinan, tidak semesti semuanya ok dan bahagia. Ada banyak perkara yang boleh mengubah tanggapan kita dan kita perlu banyak bersabar. Di bawah ini ada beberapa perkara melalui pengalaman masyarakat kita dan tanggapan mengenai perkahwinan dan pengalamannya selepas berkahwin.
1. Berkahwin tidak bermakna anda tidak akan keseorangan lagi.
"Saya dan suami baru sahaja mengikuti kaunseling. Tiada apa-apa yang drastik cuma kami dapat rasakan bahawa kami semakin berjauhan dari segi emosi dan fizikal. Jiwa semakin terasa
keseorangan. Nasib baik kami berdua cepat sedar dan sanggup mendapatkan bantuan daripada mengambil tindakan yang bertentangan."
2. Berkahwin tidak bermakna anda akan berasa menyintai atau dicintai setiap hari.
"Kebahagiaan dalam perkahwinan tidak berlaku sekelip mata kerana masalah tentu akan timbul. Ada masalah besar dan ada yang kecil. Kadangkala anda akan merasakan diri sudah tidak dicintai." Amat penting bagi masing-masing mengucapkan perasaan cinta dan mencintai.
3. Anda masih perlu menghangatkan suasana.
"Kami suami isteri mempunyai kerjaya yang sangat sibuk dan jarang dapat meluangkan masa bersama. Untuk mengelakkan perasaan seperti teman sebilik sahaja, kami cuba terapkan kebiasaan untuk memeluk antara satu sama lain dan bercerita setiap malam sebelum melelapkan mata."
4. Perkahwinan adalah sesuatu yang menyeronokkan.
"Saya dan isteri amat menyenangi kehadiran masing-masing. Kami gemar bergelak ketawa bersama, bergurau dan mengusik. Setiap hari ada sahaja SMS yang dihantar... kadang kala lawak jenaka dan ada juga mesej berunsur seks nakal."
5. Lazimnya salah seorang akan lebih banyak berkorban.
"Mana ada yang seratus peratus adil pembahagiannya. Selalunya isteri akan lebih banyak berkorban terutamanya dari segi kerjaya. Kadang-kala ada yang terpaksa melepaskan kenaikan pangkat kerana tidak ingin rumahtangga kucar-kacir."
6. Pasangan anda akan berubah mengikut masa.
Anda harus menerima kenyataan bahawa masing-masing akan berubah mengikut masa. Kadang-kalanya dari segi perangai, rupa paras , bentuk badan dan hobi. Tiada orang yang akan kekal sama seperti mana mula-mula berkenalan dahulu.
7. Anda tidak semestinya akan bersetuju dalam semua perkara.
Suami akan tetap mahu menggunakan wang bonus untuk membesarkan garaj manakala isteri inginkan sofa baru. Terimalah hakikat bahawa masing-masing ada keinginan yang berbeza. Yang penting tolak ansur-mungkin bonus tahun ini mengikut kehendak isteri manakala bonus tahun depan untuk suami pula.
8. Semakin lama berkahwin semakin bahagia.
Pasangan yang memahami kehendak masing-masing dan mengamalkan tolak ansur dalam kebanyakan perkara sepanjang mereka berkahwin, lazimnya akan berjaya melawan badai atau apa-apa masalah. Mereka inilah yang dapat menikmati kemanisan berumahtangga. Sememangnya pasangan ini adalah "soulmate" masing-masing.
9. Hubungan seks ada turun naiknya.
Kadang kala sangat berkesan dan ada kalanya tidak begitu memberansangkan. Masing-masing seharusnya menerima bahawa ianya bergantung kepada "mood" dan keadaan sekeliling.
10. Perasaan Ego yang berlebihan adalah amat berbahaya.
Apabila perselisihan terjadi, masing-masing menjadi begitu sensitif dan mementingkan ego. Jika terlampau mengikut ego, anda mungkin akan memanjangkan masalah yang kecil. Elakkan daripada menyimpan perasaan marah terlalu lama kerana pasangan anda mungkin akan berubah hati. Sanggupkah anda?
10 perkara memeranjatkan di dalam suatu perkahwinan:
Bila wujud perkahwinan, tidak semesti semuanya ok dan bahagia. Ada banyak perkara yang boleh mengubah tanggapan kita dan kita perlu banyak bersabar. Di bawah ini ada beberapa perkara melalui pengalaman masyarakat kita dan tanggapan mengenai perkahwinan dan pengalamannya selepas berkahwin.
1. Berkahwin tidak bermakna anda tidak akan keseorangan lagi.
"Saya dan suami baru sahaja mengikuti kaunseling. Tiada apa-apa yang drastik cuma kami dapat rasakan bahawa kami semakin berjauhan dari segi emosi dan fizikal. Jiwa semakin terasa
keseorangan. Nasib baik kami berdua cepat sedar dan sanggup mendapatkan bantuan daripada mengambil tindakan yang bertentangan."
2. Berkahwin tidak bermakna anda akan berasa menyintai atau dicintai setiap hari.
"Kebahagiaan dalam perkahwinan tidak berlaku sekelip mata kerana masalah tentu akan timbul. Ada masalah besar dan ada yang kecil. Kadangkala anda akan merasakan diri sudah tidak dicintai." Amat penting bagi masing-masing mengucapkan perasaan cinta dan mencintai.
3. Anda masih perlu menghangatkan suasana.
"Kami suami isteri mempunyai kerjaya yang sangat sibuk dan jarang dapat meluangkan masa bersama. Untuk mengelakkan perasaan seperti teman sebilik sahaja, kami cuba terapkan kebiasaan untuk memeluk antara satu sama lain dan bercerita setiap malam sebelum melelapkan mata."
4. Perkahwinan adalah sesuatu yang menyeronokkan.
"Saya dan isteri amat menyenangi kehadiran masing-masing. Kami gemar bergelak ketawa bersama, bergurau dan mengusik. Setiap hari ada sahaja SMS yang dihantar... kadang kala lawak jenaka dan ada juga mesej berunsur seks nakal."
5. Lazimnya salah seorang akan lebih banyak berkorban.
"Mana ada yang seratus peratus adil pembahagiannya. Selalunya isteri akan lebih banyak berkorban terutamanya dari segi kerjaya. Kadang-kala ada yang terpaksa melepaskan kenaikan pangkat kerana tidak ingin rumahtangga kucar-kacir."
6. Pasangan anda akan berubah mengikut masa.
Anda harus menerima kenyataan bahawa masing-masing akan berubah mengikut masa. Kadang-kalanya dari segi perangai, rupa paras , bentuk badan dan hobi. Tiada orang yang akan kekal sama seperti mana mula-mula berkenalan dahulu.
7. Anda tidak semestinya akan bersetuju dalam semua perkara.
Suami akan tetap mahu menggunakan wang bonus untuk membesarkan garaj manakala isteri inginkan sofa baru. Terimalah hakikat bahawa masing-masing ada keinginan yang berbeza. Yang penting tolak ansur-mungkin bonus tahun ini mengikut kehendak isteri manakala bonus tahun depan untuk suami pula.
8. Semakin lama berkahwin semakin bahagia.
Pasangan yang memahami kehendak masing-masing dan mengamalkan tolak ansur dalam kebanyakan perkara sepanjang mereka berkahwin, lazimnya akan berjaya melawan badai atau apa-apa masalah. Mereka inilah yang dapat menikmati kemanisan berumahtangga. Sememangnya pasangan ini adalah "soulmate" masing-masing.
9. Hubungan seks ada turun naiknya.
Kadang kala sangat berkesan dan ada kalanya tidak begitu memberansangkan. Masing-masing seharusnya menerima bahawa ianya bergantung kepada "mood" dan keadaan sekeliling.
10. Perasaan Ego yang berlebihan adalah amat berbahaya.
Apabila perselisihan terjadi, masing-masing menjadi begitu sensitif dan mementingkan ego. Jika terlampau mengikut ego, anda mungkin akan memanjangkan masalah yang kecil. Elakkan daripada menyimpan perasaan marah terlalu lama kerana pasangan anda mungkin akan berubah hati. Sanggupkah anda?
Saturday, March 19, 2005
40 Kesilapan Mendidik Anak
1. Pemilihan jodoh tanpa memperhitungkan mengenai zuriat
2. Perhubungan suami isteri tanpa memperhitungkan mengenai zuriat
3. Kurang berlemah lembut terhadap anak-anak
4. Memaki hamun sebagai cara menegur kesilapan anak-anak
5. Tidak berusaha mempelbagaikan makanan yang disajikan kepada anak-anak
6. Jarang bersama anak-anak sewaktu mereka sedang makan
7. Melahirkan suasana yang kurang seronok ketika makan
8. Membeza-bezakan kasih sayang terhadap anak-anak
9. Kurang melahirkan kasih sayang
10. Sering mengeluh di hadapan anak-anak
11. Tidak meraikan anak-anak ketika mereka pergi dan pulang dari sekolah
12. Tidak mengenalkan anak-anak dengan konsep keadilan
13. Tidak memberatkan pendidikan agama di kalangan anak-anak
14. Tidak terlibat dengan urusan pelajaran anak-anak
15. Tidak memprogramkan masa rehat dan riadah anak-anak
16. Tidak menggalakkan dan menyediakan suasana suka membaca
17. Mengizinkan anak-anak menjamah makanan dan minuman yang tidak halal
18. Tidak menunjukkan contoh tauladan yang baik di hadapan anak-anak
19. Jarang meluangkan masa untuk bergurau senda dengan anak-anak
20. Terdapat jurang komunikasi di antara ibubapa dengan anak-anak
21. Tidak menggunakan bahasa yang betul
22. Suka bertengkar di hadapan anak-anak
23. Sentiasa menunjukkan muka masam di hadapan anak-anak
24. Tidak membimbing anak-anak supaya mematuhi syariat
25. Memberi kebebasan yang berlebihan kepada anak-anak
26. Terlalu mengongkong kebebasan anak-anak
27. Tidak menunaikan janji yang dibuat terhadap anak-anak
28. Tidak menunjukkan minat kepada aktiviti anak-anak
29. Tidak memupuk semangat membaca di kalangan anak-anak
30. Tidak berminat melayan pertanyaan atau kemusykilan anak-anak
31. Tidak memberi perhatian terhadap buah fikiran anak-anak
32. Lambat memberi penghargaan kepada anak-anak
33. Kerap meleteri sesuatu kesilapan yang dilakukan anak-anak
34. Hukuman yang tidak setimpal dengan kesalahan yang dilakukan
35. Sering mengancam dan menakutkan anak-anak
36. Menghukum tanpa menyatakan kesalahan yang dilakukan
37. Tidak konsisten dalam menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas anak-anak
38. Memberi nasihat yang sama kepada anak-anak
39. Tidak tegas mendidik anak-anak
40. Tidak menggalakkan anak-anak hidup bekerjasama
Dipetik dari buku '40 kesilapan mendidik anak' oleh Dr. Hassan Ali, AKRAB 1996
2. Perhubungan suami isteri tanpa memperhitungkan mengenai zuriat
3. Kurang berlemah lembut terhadap anak-anak
4. Memaki hamun sebagai cara menegur kesilapan anak-anak
5. Tidak berusaha mempelbagaikan makanan yang disajikan kepada anak-anak
6. Jarang bersama anak-anak sewaktu mereka sedang makan
7. Melahirkan suasana yang kurang seronok ketika makan
8. Membeza-bezakan kasih sayang terhadap anak-anak
9. Kurang melahirkan kasih sayang
10. Sering mengeluh di hadapan anak-anak
11. Tidak meraikan anak-anak ketika mereka pergi dan pulang dari sekolah
12. Tidak mengenalkan anak-anak dengan konsep keadilan
13. Tidak memberatkan pendidikan agama di kalangan anak-anak
14. Tidak terlibat dengan urusan pelajaran anak-anak
15. Tidak memprogramkan masa rehat dan riadah anak-anak
16. Tidak menggalakkan dan menyediakan suasana suka membaca
17. Mengizinkan anak-anak menjamah makanan dan minuman yang tidak halal
18. Tidak menunjukkan contoh tauladan yang baik di hadapan anak-anak
19. Jarang meluangkan masa untuk bergurau senda dengan anak-anak
20. Terdapat jurang komunikasi di antara ibubapa dengan anak-anak
21. Tidak menggunakan bahasa yang betul
22. Suka bertengkar di hadapan anak-anak
23. Sentiasa menunjukkan muka masam di hadapan anak-anak
24. Tidak membimbing anak-anak supaya mematuhi syariat
25. Memberi kebebasan yang berlebihan kepada anak-anak
26. Terlalu mengongkong kebebasan anak-anak
27. Tidak menunaikan janji yang dibuat terhadap anak-anak
28. Tidak menunjukkan minat kepada aktiviti anak-anak
29. Tidak memupuk semangat membaca di kalangan anak-anak
30. Tidak berminat melayan pertanyaan atau kemusykilan anak-anak
31. Tidak memberi perhatian terhadap buah fikiran anak-anak
32. Lambat memberi penghargaan kepada anak-anak
33. Kerap meleteri sesuatu kesilapan yang dilakukan anak-anak
34. Hukuman yang tidak setimpal dengan kesalahan yang dilakukan
35. Sering mengancam dan menakutkan anak-anak
36. Menghukum tanpa menyatakan kesalahan yang dilakukan
37. Tidak konsisten dalam menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas anak-anak
38. Memberi nasihat yang sama kepada anak-anak
39. Tidak tegas mendidik anak-anak
40. Tidak menggalakkan anak-anak hidup bekerjasama
Dipetik dari buku '40 kesilapan mendidik anak' oleh Dr. Hassan Ali, AKRAB 1996
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Balance Sheet of Life
Our Birth is our Opening Balance
Our Death is our Closing Balance
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
- to lead a well balance life style.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
- to be happy and enrich others life.
Our Death is our Closing Balance
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
- to lead a well balance life style.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
- to be happy and enrich others life.
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