LETTING GO

[Source: forwarded emails]

Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments:

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way.

They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's
inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.

You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find
your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking
about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop
doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.

In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.

For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.

But if you recognise the fact that you choose your feelings and you are
responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to
think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT.
It's difficult to do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish
historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume
set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed
the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it.

Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the
fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had
been destroyed.

Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill.
These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can
remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go,
my friend! Do not feel bad."

As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his
wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this
misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again."

Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great
classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript?

Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the farmer
who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the
situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the
heavy mule out of the deep well.

So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well.

After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two
problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled.

The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work
they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened.

Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up.
Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In
not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of
the well and through the crowd.

That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up.

Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other
person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's
difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And
forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook.He's still
responsible for his misbehaviour.

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about
releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's about
letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future.

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint
you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.

Action:

Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If
possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness.

Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it?

Do I sleep better?

Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision.

Actually decide to let it go.

Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it... life is not about going with the flow but allow yourself that flexiblity to do what you want...

Khas Untuk Kaum Wanita

[Source: forwarded emails]

Assalamualaikum,

Sebagai peringatan untuk para wanita dipaparkan suatu peristiwa disuatu Eid, di mana seorang wakil telah dilantik dari kaum wanita untuk bertemu dengan Rasulullah SAW untuk meminta baginda SAW memberi ucapan khusus untuk kaum wanita.

Baginda bersetuju dan menyuruh mereka berkumpul di BaabunNisaa'. Setelah kaum wanita berkumpul, Bilal pergi memanggil RasulullahSAW. Baginda pun pergi ke sana, dan memberi salam dan memberi tazkirah seperti berikut:

"Assalamu'alaikum, wahai kumpulan/kaum wanita, aku lihat kamu ini lebih banyak di neraka". Seorang wanita lalu bangun bertanya, "Apakah yang menyebabkan yang demikian? Adakah sebab kami ini kufur?

Rasulullah SAW menjawab, "Tidak. Bukan begitu. Tetapi ada 2 tabiat kamu yang tidak elok yang boleh menjerumuskan kamu ke dalam neraka:

1. Kamu banyak mengutuk/menyumpah2. Kamu kufurkan kebaikan suami. "Kemudian baginda SAW mengingatkan supaya:
1. Banyak beristighfar
2. Banyak bersedekah.

Keterangan: Yang dimaksudkan dengan mengutuk/menyumpah ialah seperti contoh dibawah:

Contoh 1: Katakan kita lama menunggu bas. Tetapi bas masih tak kunjung tiba, akibat geram dan marah kita mungkin berkata, "Driver bas ni dah mampus agaknya. "Perkataan mampus itu termasuk dalam erti kata menyumpah. Lisan wanita memang terlalu cepat menyumpah. Kadang-kadang pakaian, perkakas rumah, hatta suami pun kena sumpah.

Contoh 2: Tengah memasak gas habis. Kita mungkin berkata "Celaka punya gas. Masa ni jugak nak habis."Yang dimaksudkan kufur di sini bukan kufur I'tiqad tetapi bererti tidak mengiktiraf. Kebaikan di sini bermaksud tanggungjawab yang telah ditunaikan oleh suami.

Berkaitan dengan hal ini, Rasulullah pernah ditanya oleh seorang suami yang kurang faham apa yang dimaksudkan dengan 'kufurkan kebaikan suami'. Rasulullah SAW berkata,"Tidakkah pernah engkau jumpa, seorang isteri, jika seumur hidup engkau, engkau berbuat baik kepadanya, tetapi disuatu ketika, disebabkan dia tidak mendapat sesuatu yang dia kehendaki, maka dia akan berkata, "Awak ini, saya tak nampak satu pun kebaikan awak" (Terjemahan langsung dari Arab). [Dalam masyarakat kita kata-kata di atas mungkin boleh dikaitkan dengan perkataan seperti berikut: "Selama hidup dengan awak, apa yang saya dapat?".][Tak guna sesen pun']

Rasulullah SAW sambung lagi, 'Mana-mana isteri yang berkata, "Awak ini, sayatak nampak satu pun kebaikan awak", maka akan gugur pahala-pahala amalannya.'Saranan Rasulullah SAW yang seterusnya ialah menyuruh kaum wanita banyak beristighfar dan bersedekah, kerana ia dapat menyelamatkan kita dari 2perkara yang boleh menjerumuskan kita ke dalam api neraka seperti yangdisebutkan tadi.

Fadhilat beristighfar:

a. Sabda Rasulullah SAW : "Siapa yang melazimkan amalan istighfar 70Xsehari, dia tidak akan ditulis sebagai orang yang lupa (nyanyuk)." Sebelum nyanyuk di hari tua, amalkan sejak muda-muda lagi. Rasulullah SAW menganjurkan kita beristighfar 70 atau 100 kali sehari. Baginda sendiri melakukannya lebih dari 100 X sehari. Adalah diingatkan untuk mencapai target ini, eloklah kita menjadualkan amalan zikir ini dalam amalan-amalan harian kita.

b. Sabda Rasulullah SAW : "Siapa yang melazimkan amalan istighfar, akan dikeluarkan Allah dari sifat ham dan hazan. Sifat ham bererti gelisah yang tidak menentu yang sering melanda kaum wanita. Sifat hazan bererti berdukacita"

c. Istighfar juga memurahkan rezeki. Jangan dianggap rezeki itu hanya dalam bentuk wang ringgit atau harta benda. Tetapi ia juga termasuk kesihatan,umur, kasih sayang dan anak-anak.

Sedekah:

Sedekah tidak semestinya dalam bentuk wang ringgit. Sedekah juga termasuk:

1. Tuturkata/percakapan yang baik. Yang paling utama ialah terhadapkeluarga sendiri. Ertinya tidak menyakitkan hati. Inilah rahsianya bagaimana hendak menambat hati suami.

Diriwayatkan, Saidatina Khadijah ra, isteri Rasulullah SAW yang pertama, tidak pernah menyinggung hati Rasulullah walau sedikit pun. Sepanjang hayat baginda SAW, hati baginda dipenuhi dengan Khadijah, sehingga sering menyebut nama beliau. Kadangkala hingga menimbulkan perasaan cemburu dikalangan isteri-isteri baginda.

Diriwayatkan juga, Jibril a.s setiap kaliselepas memberi wahyu kepada Rasulullah sebelum meminta diri,selalu mengirim salam kepada Khadijah. Suatu hari Rasulullah SAW telah bertanya beliau, dan jawab Jibril, "Khadijahlah satu-satunya perempuan yang Allah SWT berkenan tutur katanya".

2. Memberi salam.

3. Memaniskan wajah.

Juga terutamanya kepada ahli keluarga. Rasulullah SAW pernah bersabda,"Kamu senyum sahaja pun sudah menjadi sedekah."

Terdapat juga suatu syair Arab yang berbunyi:"Nak buat baik, sangatlah mudah, Maniskan wajah, lembutkan lidah." Maka setelah diberi peringatan oleh Rasulullah SAW marilah kita bertafakkur dan bermuhasabah diri-diri kita.

Sekiranya terdapat sifat-sifat buruk yang boleh menjerumuskan kita ke dalam api neraka itu, maka eloklah kita mengubah sikap kita dari sekarang.

"SAMPAIKANLAH WALAU SEPOTONG AYAT -Sabda Rasulullah SAW"