Gender Difference

According to relationship counselor John Gray, difficulties in relationships between a man and a woman lie in the lack of understanding and acceptance of the differences between the two sexes. Gray's famous book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" turned out to be a phenomenal best seller. Since its initial print in 1992, over 11 million copies were sold in the U.S. alone. In addition, it was translated into 40 different languages and has readers all over the world.

To many, Gray has achieved guru status in the fields of communication and relationships. To some others, however, Gray's Mars-Venus model stereotypes both men and women. In particular, he has been accused of having pushed women's role in marriage back 30 years.

To the author, the book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" portrays men or women in neither a good or nor a bad light, but in true light. It may make men or women sound like a good or bad deal to their partners, but according to the book, it is the only deal we get. Therefore, acknowledgment and acceptance is key.

Now, let's take a look at the differences between men (Marsians) and women (Venusians) as they are depicted in Dr. Gray's book.

• Men like to help women by fixing problems.
• Women like to help men by improving men.
• Men do not like women's attempt to improve them. They feel humiliated.
• Fixing problems for them is not what women want the most from men.
• When men are down, they want women's loving acceptance, not their criticism and unsolicited advice. Men want to be trusted and admired.
• When women are down, they like to talk about their problems. They want men to be sympathetic listeners, not necessarily offer solutions to their problems.
• Men are goal-oriented problems solvers.
• Women have a need to talk about their feelings. They need to be heard and understood. Instead of being busy figuring out how to solve their problems, men should show their acknowledgment vocally or through nodding and brief eye contact.
• Men talk to exchange information.
• Women talk to express feelings.
• Men need to be alone sometimes. Every now and then, especially when under stress, they need to retreat to their "cave" and do not want to be disturbed. Insisting on helping them before they are ready to emerge from the cave can feel like harassment.
• Women, under stress and in other times, like to seek out contact and make human connections.
• Naturally and cyclically, women's moods go though highs and lows.
• Men are often disconcerted by women's emotions.
• Women tend to use dramatic expressions such as "you ALWAYS forget" or "you NEVER listen to me". Men should not take those literally but sympathize with the sentiments they convey.
• Men and women, even when they speak the same words, may speak different languages.